MY TESTIMONY
29^th May 2004

Dear brethren,

Before I start, I’d like to give God the Glory. I had initially wanted to share this testimony some 18 months ago. However, the night before that I just could not sleep. I knew then that it was not the right time. Two Sundays ago, I was convicted to share it but I did not due to the time constraint. I did not want to rush through it. I thank God for the opportunity to share it today.

In October 2000, my family had decided to leave the church. We (or rather I) were not happy with what was going on in the church. My husband and I emailed the pastor, Bro. Richard Gan, informing him of our decision. We wrote of the frustrations we felt with the brethren and of my displeasure over some of the things Bro. Gan himself had said. The email ended with, "I give you my word that whatever bitterness I feel against anyone in the church, I let go tonight. I want to set people free so that I can be free too."

We requested to have no visitors from the church after our departure. I knew that I was in an unstable state of mind. I did not want to blaspheme against any brethren. I did not want to reach a state whereby I had to go and beg for forgiveness from any brethren by saying anything against him.

We went to another fellowship. Three months later, I could sense that my husband was spiritually very dry. I was already on the verge of losing my faith and I could not bear to see him lose his faith too. After sitting under Bro. Gan’s ministry for so many years, the "food" my husband obtained from this other fellowship could not sustain him. After all, he had been with Bro. Gan since the beginning of his ministry and he was very attached to the fellowship. I told myself that if I loved him, I had to let him return to Bro. Gan’s assembly. I remembered we had written in our email to Bro. Gan that we did not want to be stubborn people. If the Lord wanted us to return, we would.

In January 2001, I told my husband of my decision to return to Bro. Gan’s fellowship. He was surprised (but glad) and asked if I was very certain. Then he remarked, "No matter what happens, if we were to leave this fellowship (meaning Bro. Gan’s) one more time, we will surely not be able to go back ever again."

So we returned. The moment I walked through the door into the auditorium where the assembly gathers regularly, I got very agitated. I loved the worship, but as long as the song leader stopped to share his thoughts, I would get very fed up. I could not concentrate on the sermon either. I was always finding fault with the preaching. This went on for six months. I realized that the devil must have heard what my husband had uttered and he tried to get at me. He must have hopped onto my shoulders to get a free ride into church. It was not demon-possession for the true saints of Christ can never be demon-possessed. I used not to believe that devils go to church too, but now I do. After every service, I felt very miserable. I did not show my frustration for the rest of the day because I did not want my two children to see my very emotional state.

However, come Monday and Tuesday mornings, I would wail in my room and implore God to help me. I would tell Him all my frustrations and how I hated the way some of the brethren looked at me. I even ranted about my pastor.

After that, I would cool down and ask God to help me. I would go to the Bible and praise the Lord! He would show me His Word. God went through the Book of Jude all the way back to the Book of Romans with me. I thanked God each time He showed me His Word. I would kneel down and beg His forgiveness. God did not always admonish me with His Word, sometimes it was just simple words of kindness. I thanked God that during this period I did not ask God why I had to be the one to go through this trial, but rather, I told Him that I had got myself into a big mess and that He is the only One who could help me.

One day, I received an email that had a particular statement that goes like this: "The brethren in the church are chosen by God, therefore we should respect God’s decision and not go against it. We should love one another." The moment I read the email, I knelt down and asked God for forgiveness. I begged Him to forgive me of my foolishness and I realized that all this while I was challenging His authority. I felt so ashamed that I cried for quite some time, kneeling down. I realized that I was so full of pride, so puffed up. Then the Lord showed me 1 John 4:20:

"If a man say I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"

I told God, "If I say I love You, then I should love my fellow brethren too because You love them."

Praise the Lord! The issue about my brethren was solved!

The devil did not give up easily. Now he turned all my attention to hitting out at the pastor. He kept reminding me of how I disliked some of the things that were uttered by Bro. Gan. I was so vexed that for all the six months, I did not even look at the pastor while he was preaching. I was fighting a battle at my seat. Then one day, God showed me 1 Cor. 4:1-4. Before the chapter, my Bible had this heading: "Judgment of Christ’s servants is not committed to man". It hit me real hard on the head! It was like a sword piercing through my heart. I was very remorseful. Again, I humbly knelt down and asked God to forgive my foolishness. From then on, I learnt to respect my pastor again.

Still the devil did not give up. He knew that if he could just get me to walk out during a church service in a defiant act I would not return. He tried to vex my spirit and to stir up my emotions. I was always so bottled up with emotions that after service I would give my fellow brethren the cold shoulder. I remembered once I met a sister (Sis. Tracey, Bro. Gan’s wife) in the elevator. She was trying to strike a conversation but I just ignored her and stared blankly at the wall. I was so emotionally worked up that I knew I would burst out crying if I were to open my mouth. Anyway, no words came out of it.

I would like to thank God for holding my husband up during this difficult time. He was pursuing a part-time degree and had to study till the night. He ended each night about 11 pm. Still he would coax me to talk about my day and sometimes we would talk until the wee hours of the morning (3 to 4 a.m.). Then he had to get up at half past five to get the children ready for school. After that, he would go to work and the whole vicious cycle would start again.

My six-month ordeal came to an end one Sunday. Bro.Gan was preaching when suddenly he shouted,

"If you are unhappy with this fellowship, get out of here and don’t come back!"

I was shocked. It was irrelevant to what he was preaching! Probably he could discern the spirit. Immediately, the devil took up the challenge. I could hear his commanding voice, loud and clear.

"GET OUT NOW NANCY, GET OUT! HE DID NOT WANT YOU HERE!"

Almost instantly, I heard a still small voice, "Stay, Nancy, stay."

I struggled in my seat for quite a while. Then inside of me, I burst out loud and clear.

"GET OFF ME YOU DEVIL! I AM STAYING!"

Instantaneously, I felt a peace, a calmness that had never experienced before. PRAISE THE LORD!

Time for restoration! I knew I had hurt a lot of my brethren with my attitude. I realized I had to be the one to stretch out my hand first to shake theirs. I had to repair the damage that I had caused. Of course, some brethren were not so spontaneous but I told myself I would be able to overcome whatever obstacles I was going to face with the Lord’s strength.

Two years have passed now and I can proudly declare (even though I am still running the race),

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." – 2 Tim 4:7

God is good. He did not leave me in the lurch after what had happened. He made use of my friend, Keng Chiew, to bring me back to the Friday night Bible Study fellowship. You see, Keng Chiew had some family problems and she came to me for counseling. I told her that there's only one person could lighten her burden and He is my God. My husband suggested taking her to the Friday night Bible Study session instead of Sunday’s service so that if she had questions, she could ask.

The Friday night session was then to be held at Bro. Clement’s former home – Hume Park II. I had arranged to take her there. However, I soon regretted it for I realized I was not prepared to return to the Friday session because there was more interaction between the brethren. I telephoned Keng Chiew and told her how dark the place was (even though I had not found out the location) and that my husband said it was dangerous for me to return alone after the service. All he had said was that he thought the place was quite remote. Keng Chiew was quite disappointed.

Then, on Thursday night, she telephoned (I could still recall the excitement in her voice). She told me that she and her son had just returned from Hume Park II! She said it was not dark at all and the road leading to Hume Park II was brightly lit. She ended the call by saying that she would take me there instead of me taking her, the other way round. Anyway, Friday was a lovely evening and we went. I felt the warmth of the brethren and I even offered to have the Friday night meeting at my apartment home. You see, it has always been our desire (my husband and I) to open our home for the Friday night fellowship. That was why we installed the air-conditioners in our living-room when we moved into this apartment. We knew that it was hot and stuffy (especially on hot days) at our former apartment which was not air-conditioned. It was our desire to provide a more conducive place for the fellowship.

I thank God for being so patient with me, for encouraging as well as admonishing me and for accepting my repentance; for allowing me to draw nigh to HIM again. More importantly, I thank God for showing me what love is and how to love.

In closing, I like to share 2 Peter 3:9:

"The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness;
but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish,
but that all should come to repentance."

God Bless All Of You.
Sister Nancy Chan

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Pastor writes:

The vexation of spirit and the trial that Sis. Nancy had gone through is typical of many believers'. It is especially so in small assemblies. Believers may not be happy about how a fellowship is run; they may want to assert their ways.  Coupled with that is one's expectancy of others to behave according to one's own standard of what is Christian.

This fellowship has seen many came and gone for various reasons. Some reasons are just so groundless and empty − simply picking on the faults of anyone and everyone, the pastor included. Surely, the Devil will give one plenty to find and he had tried that on Sis. Nancy. If one is not quick to recognize the real enemy, then one will have anyone and everyone in the assembly as one's enemy − even one's husband or wife and/or children. If it wasn't for the grace of God, Nancy would have taken her husband and children away from the Present Truth and the Present Ministry in which the Bride is being perfected for the hour of her translation.

The Devil can use any member of the family to wreck the whole family and rob them of the Word and the Faith that they have in their hearts. The weaker member of the family is usually the wife, then the children. If the head of the family is not strong in his faith, and to do the right thing, the family structure will collapse.

If the TRUTH of God is not what we, as Bible believers, look for and feed on, in standing for THE FAITH, then we can go anywhere and everywhere to fellowship as we choose. On the other hand, if Truth is what we want, then, as Bro. Branham said, "find the best teacher you can and stay with him". God has never left His "little flock" to feed on parched pasture.

The TRUTH not only sets us free. IT is LIFE ETERNAL.  Trials and tribulations are part and parcel of our journey in that LIFE until we reach Heaven's golden shore where lies peace and joy forever.

"Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.
My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long?
Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake." - Psa.6:2-4

"Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching." - Heb.10:23-25

Richard Gan