God With My Broken Heart
My new testimony
by Bro. David Curtman
Ten years ago today, on November 7th 2003, my life was profoundly affected and drastically changed by an event that I will refer back to at the end of this testimony. But first, let me tell you a bit about my previous life:
I was born in the state of Missouri, USA, the second of five children. My life has been most eventful as I look back through the years. My father was a great man in my eyes. Hard working, loyal, and family oriented. A very dedicated provider for his family. A man with little education who would do whatever it took to keep food on the table for all of us. I remember him selling his blood one time to get enough money for our evening meal. I also remember him walking for miles when our old car ran out of gas. Things like these stay with you like a photograph in time. He was my hero for the few years that I knew him.
My mother was an alcoholic by her own admittance, though there were times she tried to hide it, and times she tried to overcome it. But she never did in her 70 years. My mother and father fought most all of the time. I can remember growing up always wondering why they ever married in the first place. There was so much anger and hatred between them. My childhood years were filled with rage, misdirection and unanswerable questions. What was love? I had no idea.
My father painted houses for a living and I later discovered that the paints, stains and varnishes he used for those many years were full of lead. My father suffered terribly from the toxic effects of lead poisoning. In 1978 a law was passed to remove all poisonous lead from the paints. Ironically, that was the same year that my father committed suicide. Three months earlier, my 16 year old brother was killed in a car wreck and my father blamed himself for what had happened, even though he was not at fault in any way, he could not overcome the loss of his son. That was a tragic year that seemed to set a precedence for my life for many years to come.
I was 18 years old with no direction in my life and very little foundation. The horror and pain of loss was very real to me back then, and would tear at me and haunt me for many years to come. That little foundation in my early years did eventually come into fruition later in my life. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my paternal Grandfather who was a Pentecostal preacher, had given me, growing up, just enough structure in his words about God to know that there must be a real God somewhere and He surely had answers to the reasons of my strange life. It would be 25 years before I met Him.
Looking back, my Grandpa Curtman was a Godly man in my eyes. He passed away the next year in 1979. That year, my life was a foggy dream-like or even nightmarish time. I turned to alcohol and even tried some drugs to cope with myself and what the world had handed to me so far in my life. Was I a victim of circumstances?
My first love was music. Both of my Grandfathers played the fiddle and I remember me and my brother Tony jig dancing when we were 3 and 4 years old and I still remember the beat of the music that I heard my Grandpa Price playing on his fiddle. But no one in my family was musical as yet. Then when I was 10 years old, I sang the lead in a school play for the PTA. I received a standing ovation and I knew that I was accepted for doing something good that people enjoyed. It was a nice feeling. I pursued a music career with the help from my mother and became a local celebrity by age 11, singing onstage and television and radio. It was a real pleasure for me, but it would not last… In only 3 years, my voice changed and I was not a cute little kid any more. I would have to find other venues.
I started a band in 1975 with my brother Tony on drums and a good friend on guitar. We done well playing talent shows, fairs and festivals, guest spots on TV and anything we could find to do, but then I found out about beer joints, bars, and night clubs and that seemed to fit the bill for my life for the next 25 years. The lower class, down and out crowds there accepted me and would even pay me to sing my heart out with ballads about life’s heartaches and lost loves. We just got started good with the band then my desire to sing left me when my brother was killed in the car wreck. But, after some time of grieving I went back to playing music in the bars. I tried about every genre of music except for Gospel, which was my first love.
I remember that I was upset with my life and angry with God, whoever He was. Always wondering, "Why? What kind of life is this? Why me?" What could I have done differently to change it? Nothing when you are a kid.
I married at age 20 and thought all was going to be better now in my life. My daughter was born nine months later, I was so happy and I remember thanking a kinder God for the wonderful miracle that He gave us. The joy wouldn’t last when just 6 months later I was going through a divorce and custody battle for my daughter. I lost custody and something broke inside me. I look back now and realize it was my heart. My daughter chose to be adopted at age 8 and it broke my heart yet again. That wound has never healed. I was a failure in life and in love.
I remarried in 1983 and thought it would be forever this time. I adopted my wife’s son and we had two more sons together. There were many good years but twenty four years later, forever came to a halt.
2003 was a great year for me after searching for God’s Truth for some four years. Then God urged me to realize that there was something special about to happen to me! I had started reading the Bible in 1999 and I marveled at the Truth written within the pages. but, where was that Truth today? I took my family to several denominational churches to find out where we fit in. Strangely, we didn’t fit into any of them! I had gone to a Pentecostal church as a child, but they were noticeably different 30 years later!
I finally found what I was looking for on Nov. 7, 2003.
I had never heard of an End-time message or End-time messenger, but just days before this, God gave me the true revelation of the sin of Ham in the book of Genesis. I started seeing and studying the serpent seed doctrine and I went online and found a website called, ‘Prophetic Revelation’ by brother Richard Gan. It was just wonderful to me with a really great expounding of the real Truth I was searching for! So many eloquent explanations of the doctrines of God’s Word that made perfect sense to me for the first time! My life and all of the trials suddenly had a meaning now and I was Born-again that night as I humbly knelt down and prayed and openly thanked God for this healing of my spirit. A personal miracle to me! That was ten years ago today and I am so thankful for The Pearl of Great Price that I have found within the pages of God’s Word.
Yes, I have been through the Fire, and I am still being tried each day. Someone wrote, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” I don’t know if that is true. My wife has been gone for six years today and my sons have married and have families of their own. I live alone, yes, my heart has been broken, an affliction that my Savior knows all too well. But I do not walk alone on this road to Emmaus!
Now, my testimony to others is that The Anchor Holds!
I am still running the race and I am
slowly healing and trusting God with my broken heart to use my testimony
to glorify Him for His sacrificial love to us.